I quit drinking in June 2022. It's the best decision I ever made.
I wasn’t addicted. But alcohol had become a problem for me.
Turns out alcohol is a problem for many people with ADHD. But stopping altogether is difficult – mostly due to social pressure.
I’ll explain how I’m overcoming the social pressure. But first, let me explain why I’ve made this decision.
In June 2022 we went on holiday for a week.
I drank every day.
For three consecutive weeks after arriving home I felt horrendous.
I was depressed during the first week.
When the depression cleared, my focus was appalling – dragging me down again.
My brain was the foggiest it had been all year.
My routine went out the window. I stopped doing all the natural techniques I teach to manage ADHD drug-free.
This had become a pattern. I'd drink, have a good night, then feel crap for a week.
The aftermath of this trip was the final straw.
So, I quit. For good.
The benefits
Firstly, pride.
It might not be wise to brag about it. But I feel proud of myself for committing to the decision.
Secondly, healthier.
I already feel healthier, lighter, sharper, clearer headed, and more focused.
But most of all I feel excited.
Excited to never have a hangover again. Excited to never blame alcohol for making me depressed, anxious, irritable, tired, and foggy headed. And excited to see what I can do with all the extra time and money.
Other benefits include:
● Better sleep
● More focus
● Less distractible
● Steady, consistent, moods
● Higher energy
● A feeling of wellness
● Deeper sense of self-worth
Dealing with the social pressure to drink
The hardest part of quitting alcohol, if you’re not addicted, is the social pressure to drink.
Our friends want us to drink and don’t like it when we don’t.
They’ll tease us. Berate us for not conforming. Laugh at us for drinking lime and soda.
It's a travesty that our culture has normalised drinking so much that people are, literally, offended when you quit.
Choose the friend that's most likely to understand and tell them first. They can be your ally in case other friends are offended by your decision.
When you tell everyone else, let them know they’ve got a permanent designated driver – that should quiet them down.
If it doesn’t, try explaining why you’ve stopped.
Tell them that drinking affects your ADHD — and exactly how it does. Any friend that has a problem with that, may have their own insecurities about drinking. Or perhaps they’re a dick – I’ll let you be the judge.
Personally, if a friend continues to persist, I'll question my friendship with them. A good friend, in my opinion, would not force you to drink.
If you go out with friends often, drink zero percent beer. That often helps you avoid having to answer questions.
But at the end of the day, it’s your choice.
They don’t have to like it. But that doesn’t change anything.
Their reaction - good or bad - says more about them than it does about you.
The social pressure of not drinking is very hard.
But I believe change is afoot.
We're living through a revolution of non-drinkers. The future looks brighter.
In the past two years, hundreds of people with ADHD have shared their stories of how alcohol has impacted their lives.
Mostly about how quitting the drink has made their life MUCH better.
This anecdotal evidence is great, but I want to know if the science backs up our collective experience.
In short, the answer is YES!
And I'll get to that shortly.
But first, I read a paragraph in Michael Singer's new book, Living Untethered, that smacked me in the face and explained why we've all used substances to escape our ADHD.
"You have to realise that you're addicted to the mind. You're more addicted to your mind than people are to drugs. In fact, the reason many people start doing drugs is to get away from their mind's incessant chatter. That's also why some people start drinking -- the mind can be impossible to live with." - Michael Singer
We'll come back to why that quote is so important at the end this email.
But now, let's look at the science of alcohol and ADHD:
I wasn’t surprised there were studies linking alcohol use and ADHD. What surprised me the was shear volume of data proving that alcohol negatively impacts us:
A 2018 twin study found severe childhood ADHD is linked to earlier alcohol use, as well as frequent or heavy alcohol use. And a 2015 study found people with ADHD are more likely to engage in binge drinking in early adulthood.
That's true for me. I started drinking early in life. And I drank heavily in my late teens and early 20s.
But the results of those studies seem (sort of) obvious.
I wanted to know why alcohol makes our ADHD symptoms worse.
A 2009 study found people with ADHD were more likely to show signs of alcohol impairment, even when asked to complete tasks that typically decrease impairment. This shows that alcohol aggravates ADHD symptoms such as impulsiveness and difficulty focusing. In addition, long-term alcohol use is associated with difficulties with cognition, decision-making, memory, and speech -- all things that affect us without booze in the system.
Bingo!
Alcohol aggravates ADHD symptoms.
What if you're using meds?
If you’re using stimulant meds to manage your ADHD, adding alcohol can lead to a racing heart rate, high blood pressure and insomnia.
Why?
Because alcohol changes how your body processes the medication.
Over time, using both meds and alcohol can put damaging strain on your heart, increasing the risk of heart attack and stroke.
No Big Pharma company, regardless of how unethical they are, recommends you consume both meds AND booze.
Where do we go from here?
The science backs it up. Alcohol, without doubt, negatively impacts most of us.
Now let's dig deeper into that earlier quote – that we’re all trying to escape the mind's incessant chatter.
If you have ADHD, you have a LOUD voice in your head.
A voice that WILL NOT SHUT UP.
So does everyone else, by the way. But ours is louder, more frantic and less friendly.
Our biggest mistake is we listen to everything it says.
We listen when it shames us for underperforming at school or work. Then we argue with it, leading us into a spiral of frustration and procrastination.
Alcohol helps us escape the downward spiral, calming the mind just enough to relax.
In more extreme cases, we use alcohol to get "out of our head" so we don’t have to deal with the voice anymore – I was in that place years ago, and the end of that road is a dark place.
So, alcohol use has a lot to do with quieting that voice.
But if we're not using alcohol (or other substances) to do that, what can we do?
How to quiet your mind (naturally)
Firstly, it’s about recognising that we can't force the mind to be quiet.
The voice is loud for a reason.
It's loud because deep at the root we stored something negative in the past. It doesn't matter what we stored right now. Just be aware that is why the voice is loud.
We can however, through meditation, begin to feel comfortable with that loud voice.
Meditation excels at this.
Meditation, contrary to popular discourse, is NOT about quieting the mind. It's about learning to deal with reality as it really is, not as you'd like it to be.
So the first step of meditation is to learn, via direct experience, that you are not your mind. You are the one who hears the mind.
Once you realise this you can stop listening to it. You will still hear it, but you can choose not to act on what it tells you to do.
Over time, and with sustained practice, you will start to be OK with whatever the mind says.
Then, as we progress further, we realise that we're able to deal with things that previously sent us into a weapons grade meltdown.
That is the point of meditation -- to learn to be ok with what is, rather than trying to change reality (which, you soon learn, is impossible).
How is this related to alcohol?
Alcohol is a tool we use to make reality feel different. Meditation is a tool to be OK with reality.
Meditation, breathwork, cold exposure – they’re all INCREDIBLE replacements for alcohol. Combine that with exercise, great diet and sleep and you’ll be well on your way to living a good life, with ADHD (drug-free).
This is why I’m hellbent on teaching people with ADHD to meditate.
So, if you want to learn an ADHD-friendly meditation & breathwork technique. In a safe space. Amongst other people with ADHD. Consider joining my upcoming workshop. Details below.
The ADHD-friendly Meditation Workshop (virtual)
It’s a virtual workshop, on Zoom.
On Thursday 28th March from 18:30 to 20:30 UK.
You’ll learn a breathwork technique designed to calm you down in the face of extreme anxiety.
And my ADHD-friendly meditation technique that I’ve now taught to over 1500 people.
I’ll take you step-by-step through each technique. In a fun and engaging way.
Here’s what Carly had to say about my meditation training:
“I never stuck with a meditation technique before so I wasn’t sure this would work for me. But the technique Joseph teaches, alongside other ADHDers like me who want to meditate, is so powerful.” - Carly W
And, I’ll make you a promise:
If you’re not feeling calmer than you’ve ever felt after any meditation session before, I’ll give you all your money back. No questions asked.
Click below and use discount code DFADHD to get 20% off:
Make sure the discount is added before you buy.
My confidence, positive sense of self, and ability to stick to a routine is the best it's been since implenting many of your techniques. I really can't afford to have off days' when I'm hungover! I've haven't had a drink since Xmas day 2023.
Quit drinking in May 2017 prior to my adhd diagnosis and now that I've been diagnosed it really emphasizes that this was the right choice. It's not easy but well worth the effort. Agree with everything in this article - well written and spot on.