Avoid dopamine chasing

A technique for building self control

🚨 I’m teaching my ADHD Toolkit in Brighton on 14th June.

Just a few tickets left!

Buy your tickets here.

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“The only permanent solution to your problems is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality. Once you do that, you’ll be clear enough to deal with what’s left.” - Michael Singer

We’re told that ADHD = a lack of dopamine.

For the purpose of this week’s newsletter, let’s assume the hypothesis is correct.

We chase dopamine. We chase it hard.

- Shiny objects
- New careers
- New cars. 
- New, fill in the blank, stuff.

Once in a while, that impulsivity leads to great things. I used the energy on a dopamine high to write the first edition of this newsletter.

Dopamine chasing can be a good thing.

But often it's not.

Scratch that. It’s almost always NOT a good thing.

This year I’ve started 9 online courses. And completed none!

I’ve bought shit I didn’t need – which now lives under the stairs.

I bought 5 domain names. Including the pseudonym I created to try it out as a fiction author. 

In 2018, Kayleigh and I went on 7 holidays. I booked them all while on previous holiday's. The pain of returning home, to normality, was too much. So I went dopamine chasing and booked another trip.

Why so bad? Because it’s all about escaping reality.

Michael Singer, said “humans are not social creatures, they just can’t handle the noise in their heads when they’re alone”.

That’s so painfully true it almost kills me to read it.

We are so scared of facing the voice in our head when we’re alone that we’d rather be eternally busy or never not in the presence of others.

I know what you’re thinking. That humans are social creatures.

We are, in fact, pack animals. We are social. But only because we've not gone deep enough.

Yogis, the highest spiritual beings, head to the mountains to be alone when they reach the highest possible states.

They do this because they've cleared away all the internal garbage we hang onto (our likes and dislikes, for example).

After that they experience absolute bliss. They don't need anything or anyone because the feelings of bliss are buried deep inside. 

We all have it in us to reach those high states. But that state (of absolute bliss) is blocked by all the garbage we put on top of it.

I know we’re getting deep here but it’s important.

This is directly connected to why we’re impulsive. We DO NOT want to face ourselves, so we clog up our lives with new stuff, new projects, new events. 

And there’s nothing wrong with that. Really, there isn’t.

But it is the reason we’re struggling with the consequences of our unbridled impulsivity.

Right, so how do we deal with that?

We learn to let go

There is nothing more important to true growth than realising that you’re not the voice of the mind – you are the one who hears it.

When an impulsive thought arises, we acknowledge it. We acknowledge that it’s not us and then we let it go.

This will be VERY HARD.

But with practice it gets easier.

All the great philosophers and spiritual teachers, from Seneca to Buddha, taught this.

It’s the path of surrender. 

Not surrender to everything. It’s not about renunciation. It’s about not listening to the voice in your head when it tells you to buy another online course – because this time it will make you happy.

Did the last thing you bought make you happy?

Truthfully?

The last thing I bought made me happy for 10 seconds. 

Which proves to me that the voice in my head doesn’t know what I want. I’d be better off shaking a magic 8-ball than listening to it.

So instead I let it go.

Still struggling to grasp it? I understand, this is extremely counter-intuitive to everything we’ve ever been taught.

So I’m going to hand you over to the master of surrender, Michael Singer:

His course, a masterpiece in breaking esoteric concepts into practical and useful tactics, Living From A Place Of Surrender will guide you through every step of learning to let go.

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📣 SHOUTOUT

A wonderful startup supporting young neurodivergent people and their parents just launched!

They’re called Uncommon.

Their unique online group programs, led by autistic or ADHD professionals, are boosting self-esteem for young neurodivergent people and their parents:

• Parents report significant improvements in their child's self-esteem and a decreased sense of isolation.

• The programs are designed to be low demand, making them effective for those with anxiety.

• Neurodivergent peer supporters are present in every session.

3-part courses available this term start at just £60, with provisions for low-income families.

More opportunities await at www.bemoreuncommon.com: